Selfishness

I don't know if it's just me, but this "selfie" culture has turned everyone into selfish, self-absorbed humans. As an athlete it is engrained in us to be selfish in order to meet our goals and our needs, and it doesn't make it right. Think about it, if you're starting out at 6 or 9 years old, the world has revolved around you, i.e. parents taking going to tournaments all over the country, shoving food down our throats at every hunger pang, letting us avoid chores because of being too busy, you get to pick the restaurant, oh you're tired let's go home. The list goes on. We are creating monsters and we don't even realize it, until they're full blown adults that have relationships that don't last, friends that don't stick around, and it's always about me, me, me. You're little princess has now turned into a nightmare, that no one wants to deal with. I was a pitcher, I know, despite ever being called a princess, I have suffered other parts of being selfish that have in return made life harder. Let's get down to the basics.

Your Kid is Selfish.

Here are Examples of Selfishness:

__ Lack of respect for parents
__ Lack of gratitude
__ Strong sense of entitlement
__ Acts in a controlling manner
__ Bad temper

__ Uses others as sexual objects
__ Insensitive to family members and peers
__ Refuses to help in the home
__ Excessively angry when everything doesn't go as one wants
__ Very sloppy, lack of care of room
__ Curses excessively
__ Resents giving to others/lack of generosity
__ Unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment
__ Expects automatic compliance with his or her expectations
__ Manipulative
__ Uses others to obtain one's ends
__ Resents sacrificial giving
__ Refuses to engage in age appropriate work
__ Unwilling to identify with the feelings and needs of others
__ Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
__ Acts like a spoiled child
__ Always demands to have one's own way
__ Fails to attend to the needs of others
__ Refuses to do chores
__ Acts helpless to get one's way including using the sick role
__ Tries to turn all conversations upon oneself
__ Avoids responsibility
__ Refuses to clean up after oneself
__ Portrays self as the victim
__ Demonstrates explosive anger
__ Refuses to study
__ When something goes wrong, it's always someone else's fault
__ Requires excessive admiration
__ Lacks genuine interest in others
__ Doesn't pay attention to the person he or she is talking to
__ Verbally or Physically abusive of parents or siblings
__ Substance abuse.

Maybe parents, this describes some of your behaviors too, or at least you recognize them in your kid now. Honestly, this might be a wake up call and you realize it's time to get your parenting on track. Screaming at them, nagging, cursing, or being passive aggressive, are not ways to get your point across. Parenting is difficult, I get it, there's no guidebook for a one stop shop on parenting. Typically, when we ourselves are inherently selfish and think we do everything for our kids and they are ungrateful little $hit$, then you're probably selfish too, your kids get what you decide to give them. There's balance in everything, and if you're an extremely uptight, nervous wreck, always cursing that the world is against, angry, like to drink heavily to de-stress, yells at umps, screams at coaches, or shy's away at every chance- your kids- they see it, they mirror it, and they take it on as their own behaviors. Remember, you're the parent here.

Ways to Control Selfish Behavior:

1. Growth in virtues: generosity, responsibility for chores in the home and for school work, orderliness, self-control, courtesy, self-denial, giving to the sick or the poor, loyalty, sacrificial giving, solidarity, modesty, faith.

2. Helping Your Children To Express Self-Control

3. Getting A Parental Coach, or Guidance

If you are a permissive parent, your kid is definitely going to grow up with selfish tendencies and probably a bad attitude. Believe me I know. More than likely you may need counseling, or read a few books on how to be heard in your home. If you keep using verbiage like "my kid always does this," "my kid never listens," "they're out of control," "they don't respect me," shifting blame on your kids won't help. Instead, realize you are missing the ball here. Your kids are not the parents, if they are being little monsters that need the help of Jesus to save their soul, find out why. I've never understood why, more people don't ask "why?" when faced with adversity. The other side of the coin is your kid's personality is probably drastically different than yours, in my case I'm an ENTP, which is 3% of the population, so I'm naturally argumentative, which can frustrate 99% of most people. However, I don't belong in a box with the rest of the misunderstood children. No one likes to be corrected, and here are reasons why most parents are unwilling to correct the selfishness in their own kids.

The major reasons parents are unable or unwilling to correct selfishness in their kids: 

• personal self-indulgence and an unwillingness to address this weakness in their own personalities

• lack of knowledge of what virtues to recommend to diminish it

• desire to have their kid as a friend, associated with a fear of loneliness

• the lack of support by one's spouse

• the faillure to teach virtues to kids so that they can develop healthy personalities

• the lack of a parental role model for correction

• lack of confidence

• excessive correction in childhood by a parent

• a fear of conflict as a result of childhood stresses caused by an angry parent or sibling

• a lack of courage

• a fear of an angry response from your kid

• a struggle with excessive anxiety

• a lack of understanding of the importance of teaching virtues to kids

• the failure to entrust kids to the Lord

• weak faith.

What to walk away with, stop calling your kid a princess, and belittling them for not being just like you. Don't beat yourself up, there's always room for growth for everyone of all ages. Don't give up, selfishness is easily fixed once recognized, even for us, because you can teach an old dog new tricks!

References:

1. Institute for Marital Healing, Richard P. Fitzgibbons 2009 (http://www.childhealing.com/articles/selfishchild.php)